Witze Witze Witze

[herb_j]

[shroeder]

.

[herb_j]

http://www.seitvertreib.de/2008/06/10/4-wege-arbeit-vorzutuschen-und-eine-art-sich-zu-rchen/

[phenix]

http://www.seitvertreib.de/2008/06/10/4-wege-arbeit-vorzutuschen-und-eine-art-sich-zu-rchen/

 

 

:rofl:

[herb_j]

ohne worte

[NoGhost]

ohne worte

Ein selbst gebastelter Witz, wie fad.

[herb_j]

Ein selbst gebastelter Witz, wie fad.

den hob nedamal i gebastelt...

[NoGhost]

den hob nedamal i gebastelt...

Na wurscht, is eh lustig.

[herb_j]

Na wurscht, is eh lustig.

 

na, jetz nimmer...jetz hammas zerredet...mist:f:

[step]

12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

 

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

 

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

 

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

 

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

 

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

 

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

 

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

 

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

 

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

 

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

 

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

[sake]

Der Herbert und der Peter waren am See um zu angeln.

Sie saßen auf ihren Hockern, tranken Bier und starrten über Stunden schweigend vor sich hin.

 

 

Auf einmal sagte der Herbert ganze leise,

 

um die Fische nicht zu erschrecken:

"Ich glaube ich lass mich von meiner Alten scheiden.

Sie hat seit mindestens zwei Monaten kein Wort mehr mit mir gesprochen."

Der Peter nippte an seiner Bierflasche und erwiderte nachdenklich:

"Das würde ich mir aber gut überlegen - solche Frauen findet man nicht so leicht."

[paul1649345178]

naja - es geht!

 

 

*Best 'Out of Office' Automatic e-mail Replies** :*

 

 

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply

to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

 

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of

the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

 

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain

and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

 

4. I Will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I

return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

 

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99

for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

 

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection.

Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

 

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing

system. You Are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

 

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by

your PC for my response.

 

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

 

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical

reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Susan' instead of Steve.

[Gast eleon]

12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

 

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

 

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

 

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

 

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

 

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

 

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

 

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

 

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

 

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

 

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

 

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

 

 

 

MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAH

[feristelli]

.

[feristelli]

... lange nicht so gelacht! :rofl:

 

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1489314&searchid=f46887ef-c3a7-4d32-8a65-b5ae8b6e25ad

[feristelli]

... und Schwergewichte hier im Board:

 

http://blog.jimmyr.com/Bicycle_lift_in_Norway_05_2008.php

 

[feristelli]

Der Stadtrat von Radstadt

steigt dem Postfräulein auf d' Frostbeulen,

d'rauf haut's ihm die Postmappen in die Mostpappen.

 

[Lachesis]

http://www.ehrensenf.de/linktipps/frauen-hirn-und-maenner-hirn

[Lachesis]

Ein Geschäftsmann sendet ein Fax an seine Frau :

"An meine liebe Ehefrau :

Du verstehst sicherlich, dass ich gewisse Bedürfnisse habe die Du, nun da Du 44 Jahre alt bist, nicht mehr befriedigen kannst.

Ich bin sehr glücklich mit Dir und schätze Dich als eine gute Ehefrau. Deshalb hoffe ich, dass Du es nicht falsch verstehen wirst, wenn Du nach diesem Fax wissen wirst, dass ich

mit Vanessa, meiner 18-jährigen Sekretärin, im Hotel Comfort Inn sein werde. Aber sei nicht beunruhigt. Ich werde vor Mitternacht wieder zuhause sein.

 

Als der Mann nach Hause kommt findet er auf dem Esszimmertisch folgenden Brief :

Mein lieber Ehemann:

"Ich habe Dein Fax erhalten und danke Dir sehr für Deine Ehrlichkeit..

Bei dieser Gelegenheit möchte ich Dich daran erinnern, dass Du mittlerweile auch 44 Jahre alt bist. Gleichzeitig möchte ich Dich darüber informieren, dass, während Du diesen Brief liest, ich

mit Michel, meinem Tennislehrer, der wie Deine Sekretärin auch 18 Jahre alt ist, im Hotel Fiesta sein werde. Als erfolgreicher Geschäftsmann und mit Deinen exzellenten Kenntnissen in Mathe,

verstehst Du natürlich, dass wir in der gleichen Situation sind … jedoch mit einem kleinen Unterschied :

"18 geht öfter in 44, als 44 in 18 "..... Und darum, konsequenterweise, brauchst Du vor morgen früh nicht mit mir zu rechnen !

Einen dicken Kuss von Deiner Frau, die Dich wirklich versteht ...“

[Lachesis]

[Flow1981]

Frauen sind eben oft schlauer als Männer.....

[shroeder]

Frauen sind eben oft schlauer als Männer.....

 

kann bitte jemand dem flow sein account sperren? der bringt da nur sinnlos unruhe rein...

[Flow1981]

kann bitte jemand dem flow sein account sperren? der bringt da nur sinnlos unruhe rein...

 

Host an Poscha?

 

Eine Blondine kommt in ein Stoffgeschäft und verlangt einen rosa

Vorhangstoff.

Der Verkäufer fragt: "Wie viel darf ich Ihnen davon abschneiden?"

Blondine: "15 cm."

Verkäufer: "15 cm? Wo bitte haben Sie ein so kleines Fenster?"

Blondine: "Der Vorhang ist für meinen Computerbildschirm!"

Verkäufer: "Aber für einen Bildschirm brauchen Sie doch keinen Vorhang!"

Blondine: "Hallooooooo, ich hab Windows!"

[Lachesis]

kann bitte jemand dem flow sein account sperren? der bringt da nur sinnlos unruhe rein...

 

Na, na, des passt scho so! :love:

[noc]

12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

 

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

 

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

 

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

 

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

 

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

 

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

 

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

 

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

 

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

 

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

 

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

 

wöd