A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, and an eye patch walks into a bar. He sits down to have a beer and a stranger sitting next to him asks, “So what happened to the leg, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“Argh,” the pirate answers, “a fierce storm tossed me overboard, and a shark bit it off.”
“Oh,” the stranger says. “How about the hand?”
“Argh, I boarded a ship and fought the captain, and he took me hand before I made him walk the plank.”
The stranger then asks about the pirate’s eye. “Argh, a seagull sh*tin me eye,” replies the pirate.
“sh*tmade you lose your eye?” asks the confused stranger.
“No,” the pirate answers, “’twas the first day with me hook.”